Why Spirit Don't Want You Waiting to Die

I know that's a shocking title.

Good.

Because I think it's something we need to talk about.

As a medium, I spend my life talking about the Spirit world.

I know, beyond any reasonable doubt for me, that our loved ones continue after physical death.

I know they're still themselves.

I know love survives.

But here's the strange thing.

The more certain I've become that life continues...

The more determined I've become to live this one.

Does believing in the afterlife change how you live?

It should.

But perhaps not in the way people expect.

Sometimes people imagine that if you truly believe in life after death, this life somehow becomes less important.

Almost like we're just waiting for the real adventure to begin.

I don't see it that way at all.

If anything, mediumship has taught me the opposite.

This life matters because it doesn't last forever.

Are we making the afterlife more important than this life?

I think sometimes we do.

We spend so much time wondering what happens after we die...

...that we forget to ask what we're doing while we're alive.

We look for signs.

We wait for reassurance.

We wonder when we'll see our loved ones again.

Those questions are natural.

I've asked them myself.

But I don't think they're meant to become the whole story.

What do our loved ones in Spirit actually want?

After thousands of evidential readings, I've noticed something remarkable.

Spirit rarely tell people to stop living.

In fact, they seem to say exactly the opposite.

They encourage people to travel.

To laugh.

To forgive.

To spend time with family.

To stop working quite so much.

To make memories.

To tell people they love them.

To take the opportunity they keep talking themselves out of.

Again and again, their messages point us back towards life.

Not away from it.

Why would Spirit want you to keep living?

Imagine it was the other way around.

Imagine you were the one in Spirit, looking at someone you loved.

Would you really want them to spend the next thirty years simply waiting until they could be with you again?

Would you want them to stop laughing?

Stop travelling?

Stop falling in love?

Stop making memories?

I wouldn't.

I'd want them to squeeze every drop out of the life they still had.

I believe our loved ones want exactly the same for us.

Stop putting your life on hold

Grief has a way of making time stand still.

The world keeps moving.

You don't.

That's understandable.

Loss changes everything.

But at some point, gently and in your own time, life begins asking something of you.

Not to forget.

Not to move on.

But to move forwards.

Those aren't the same thing.

Living isn't a betrayal

One of the saddest things I see is people feeling guilty for enjoying themselves after someone they love has died.

They laugh...

...and immediately feel bad.

They book a holiday...

...and wonder if they should have stayed home.

They meet someone new...

...and worry they're being disloyal.

I don't believe joy is a betrayal.

I think it's one of the ways we honour the people who loved us.

Because love was never meant to make our lives smaller.

It was always meant to help them grow.

Spirit don't want your world to shrink

When Spirit come through in readings, they often talk about ordinary things.

Family dinners.

Gardens.

Birthdays.

Dogs.

Sunday lunches.

The little moments.

The moments that seemed completely unremarkable when they were happening.

Until they weren't.

Perhaps that's because they understand something we often forget.

Life isn't built from milestones.

It's built from Tuesdays.

From making someone a cup of tea.

From laughing until you cry.

From standing in the kitchen talking nonsense with people you love.

Those are the things that become precious.

What if your purpose is simply to live?

People often ask me whether Spirit have revealed our purpose.

Whether we're here for one great mission.

One life-changing achievement.

One destiny.

Honestly?

I don't think that's usually how it works.

I think purpose is something we create.

It's found in the way we treat people.

The courage we show.

The kindness we choose.

The risks we take.

The memories we make.

The love we leave behind.

Perhaps your purpose isn't waiting somewhere in the future.

Perhaps it's unfolding in the life you're already living.

Eat the chocolate cake

I know.

Not exactly the profound spiritual teaching you were expecting.

But hear me out.

Mediumship has taught me one thing above almost everything else.

None of us know how much time we have.

I've worked with too many families who thought they had another twenty years.

Another Christmas.

Another birthday.

Another conversation.

Life can change in an instant.

So yes.

Eat the chocolate cake.

Write the book.

Make the phone call.

Book the holiday.

Start the course.

Say you're sorry.

Say "I love you."

Stop waiting for the perfect moment.

Life has a habit of reminding us that perfect moments are usually recognised in hindsight.

Honour them by living well

I don't believe our loved ones want monuments built from sadness.

I think they want living memorials.

People who laugh because of them.

Love because of them.

Become braver because of them.

Carry their kindness into the world.

That's a legacy.

Not staying stuck.

Not refusing happiness.

Not believing your own life ended because theirs did.

Mediumship gave me an unexpected gift

People often assume mediumship made me less afraid of death.

Perhaps it did.

But the bigger gift was something I never expected.

It made me more aware of life.

More grateful.

More present.

More determined not to waste time waiting for someday.

Because if Spirit have taught me anything, it's this.

Life continues after death.

But this chapter...

This wonderfully messy, complicated, joyful, heart-breaking chapter...

Will never happen again.

And that makes it unbelievably precious.

Listen to the full podcast episode

This article is inspired by an episode of the Mediumship Matters podcast, where I explore how evidential mediumship has changed my relationship with life, grief and the afterlife.

If you'd rather listen than read, you'll find the full episode wherever you get your podcasts.

Frequently Asked Questions

Do our loved ones in Spirit want us to move on?

I don't actually like the phrase move on, because it can sound as though we're leaving our loved one behind. I prefer to think of it as moving forwards. After thousands of readings, the overwhelming message I receive from Spirit is that they want us to keep living. They don't expect us to stop loving them, but neither do they want our lives to end because theirs has.

Is it wrong to look forward to the afterlife?

Not at all. Believing you'll one day be reunited with your loved ones can be deeply comforting. The important thing is not allowing that hope to stop you fully engaging with the life you're living now. In my experience, Spirit encourage us to embrace this lifetime, not simply wait for the next one.

Why do I feel guilty when I enjoy life after someone has died?

This is an incredibly common part of grief. Many people feel as though laughing, travelling or creating new memories somehow means they're forgetting the person they've lost. I don't believe that's true. Love isn't measured by how long you stay unhappy. Your loved ones can remain an important part of your heart while you continue to experience joy.

What do our loved ones in Spirit want us to do?

Every reading is different, but the message I hear time and time again is simple: live. Spend time with your family. Tell people you love them. Make memories. Be kind. Forgive where you can. Stop putting your happiness on hold. Our loved ones rarely ask us to focus on death—they encourage us to make the most of life.

Does believing in life after death make this life less important?

For me, it's had exactly the opposite effect. Knowing that consciousness continues has made me appreciate this lifetime even more. It reminds me that every conversation, every ordinary day and every opportunity to love someone is precious because this chapter of our journey is unique.

What if I'm frightened of living without the person I've lost?

That fear is completely understandable. Grief changes everything, and rebuilding a life can feel overwhelming. You don't have to rush it. But I do believe your loved one would want you to keep finding reasons to smile, laugh and create new experiences when you're ready. Living fully isn't leaving them behind; it's carrying their love with you.

Does Spirit tell us what our purpose is?

Sometimes Spirit offer guidance or encouragement, but in my experience they rarely hand us a detailed life plan. More often, they remind us to live with integrity, kindness and courage. I believe purpose is something we create through the choices we make, the people we love and the way we show up in the world each day.

Why do mediums often say "live your life"?

Because it's one of the most consistent themes to come through in evidential readings. Again and again, Spirit encourage people not to waste the time they have here. They remind us that life is precious, relationships matter and experiences are there to be lived. Their messages are usually far more focused on how we live than on how we die.

How can I honour someone I've lost?

There are many ways to honour someone beyond visiting their grave or booking another reading. You can carry forward their kindness, share their stories, continue family traditions, support causes they cared about or simply live a life they would have been proud to see you enjoy. In my experience, that's one of the greatest tributes we can offer the people we love.