Stop Trying to Please Difficult People

Can I let you into a little secret?

Some of the best mediumship I've ever done has happened at the exact moment I stopped trying so hard.

Not because I cared less.

Because I finally stopped trying to make someone like me.

It's a lesson that took me years to learn, and it applies to far more than mediumship.

Why do we work so hard to please difficult people?

I think most of us are wired this way.

Someone is warm and friendly?

We relax.

Someone is distant, guarded or clearly unimpressed?

Suddenly we start working twice as hard.

We explain ourselves more.

We overthink every word.

We desperately try to win them over.

It's almost as though another person's approval becomes our responsibility.

I know I've done it.

The reading that nearly defeated me

I once sat down to give an evidential reading to someone who just... wasn't there.

Physically, yes.

Energetically?

Not so much.

Every piece of evidence seemed to bounce straight back at me.

Every question felt like hard work.

The whole reading felt heavy.

I could feel myself doing what I used to do all the time.

Trying harder.

Pushing harder.

Giving away more and more of my own energy in the hope that somehow I'd rescue the situation.

The harder I tried...

The worse it became.

The moment I stopped trying

Eventually, I reached my limit.

I simply looked at him and said,

"It feels like you've built a huge wall around yourself, and it's making this incredibly difficult to work."

I wasn't trying to produce amazing evidence.

I wasn't trying to impress him.

I was simply telling the truth about what I was experiencing.

His face completely changed.

"Yes!" he said.

"Every medium tells me that."

Suddenly the whole atmosphere shifted.

The reading flowed.

Spirit flowed.

The conversation opened up.

Ironically, the moment I stopped trying to create the perfect reading...

Was the moment the reading finally became possible.

Why authenticity matters more than perfection

That experience taught me something I'll never forget.

People don't need us to perform.

They need us to be authentic.

When I was trying to give him the reading I thought he wanted...

Nothing happened.

When I became honest about what I was genuinely experiencing...

Everything changed.

That isn't just true in mediumship.

It's true in life.

Are you giving away your power?

People-pleasing often feels like kindness.

But underneath it is usually fear.

Fear of disappointing someone.

Fear of being criticised.

Fear of not being good enough.

The trouble is, once your confidence becomes dependent on somebody else's reaction, you've handed them far too much power.

You start measuring yourself by their mood instead of your own integrity.

That's an exhausting way to live.

Not everyone is your person

This was one of the hardest lessons for me to learn.

As a medium...

As a teacher...

As a business owner...

As a human being.

Not everybody will like me.

Not everybody will enjoy my teaching style.

Not everybody will resonate with my energy.

And that's okay.

Because I don't resonate with everybody either.

We're allowed to be different.

We're allowed to choose different teachers.

Different books.

Different ways of seeing the world.

Trying to be everything to everyone usually means you stop being yourself.

You are only responsible for your part

This idea has become one of my anchors.

I am responsible for turning up prepared.

I am responsible for working with integrity.

I am responsible for being honest about what I'm receiving from Spirit.

I'm not responsible for making every single person enjoy the experience.

Those are very different things.

The moment I understood that...

Everything became lighter.

What if someone doesn't like you?

They might not.

And while that can sting, it isn't proof that you've failed.

It isn't proof that you're on the wrong path.

It isn't proof that you should change who you are.

Sometimes it simply means you weren't the right fit for one another.

I actually find that quite freeing now.

Because it allows me to spend far less time chasing approval...

...and far more time focusing on the people I genuinely can help.

Stop trying to rescue every situation

There are moments in life where we simply have to tell the truth.

Kindly.

Compassionately.

Honestly.

Without trying to control how the other person responds.

That's what happened in that reading.

The truth created the breakthrough.

Not because I planned it.

Because I finally stopped filtering myself through the question,

"Will they like this?"

And started asking,

"Is it true?"

Your authenticity is your greatest strength

The older I get, the more convinced I become that authenticity is underrated.

It's tempting to smooth off the edges.

To become a little more polished.

A little more agreeable.

A little more like everyone else.

But the people who need your work...

Need your work.

Not a carefully edited version of it.

The right people won't connect with your perfection.

They'll connect with your honesty.

Sometimes the breakthrough begins when you stop performing

Whether you're giving a reading...

Running a business...

Teaching...

Speaking...

Or simply trying to navigate difficult relationships...

Remember this.

You don't have to earn your place by exhausting yourself trying to please everyone.

Bring your integrity.

Bring your honesty.

Bring your best.

Then let the rest go.

Because sometimes the moment you stop trying to be everything somebody else wants...

Is the exact moment you become everything they actually needed.

Listen to the full podcast episode

This article is based on an episode of the Mediumship Matters podcast, where I share one of the strangest readings I've ever experienced and the unexpected lesson it taught me about authenticity, people-pleasing and trusting yourself.

If you'd rather listen than read, you'll find the full episode wherever you get your podcasts.

One final thought

The next time you catch yourself working twice as hard to win someone's approval, pause for a moment.

Ask yourself:

"Am I trying to be liked... or am I simply trying to be truthful?"

The answer might change far more than you expect.

Frequently Asked Questions

Why do I always try harder with difficult people?

Many of us naturally work harder when we feel someone doesn't like us or isn't responding positively. It's often an unconscious attempt to gain approval or avoid rejection. The trouble is, this can leave us feeling drained because we're giving away more energy than the situation actually requires.

Is people-pleasing a sign of kindness?

It can come from kindness, but it often comes from fear as well. Wanting people to feel comfortable is one thing. Feeling responsible for making everyone like you is something very different. Healthy compassion doesn't require you to sacrifice your own wellbeing or authenticity.

How do I stop seeking other people's approval?

Start by reminding yourself what you're actually responsible for. You can be honest, kind, prepared and act with integrity, but you can't control how someone else chooses to respond. The more you focus on your own values instead of their reaction, the more freedom you'll experience.

What if someone doesn't like me?

That's okay. Not everyone will connect with your personality, teaching style or way of seeing the world, and that's true for all of us. Someone not resonating with you doesn't mean you've failed. It simply means you're not the right fit for each other, and that's a perfectly normal part of life.

Why do difficult people affect my confidence so much?

When we measure our worth by someone else's reaction, our confidence becomes dependent on things we can't control. That's an exhausting place to live. Building confidence from your own integrity, rather than external approval, creates a much more stable foundation.

Does this apply outside mediumship?

Absolutely. Whether you're a teacher, therapist, business owner, parent or simply navigating everyday relationships, it's easy to fall into the trap of working hardest for the people who seem least receptive. Learning to stop chasing approval is a life skill that reaches far beyond mediumship.

How do I know if I'm being authentic?

Ask yourself a simple question: "Am I saying what I genuinely believe, or what I think this person wants to hear?" Authenticity isn't about being blunt or insensitive. It's about speaking honestly and kindly without constantly editing yourself to earn approval.

Can being honest actually improve difficult conversations?

Often, yes. Honest observations made with kindness can create breakthroughs that trying to be perfect never will. In my experience, people often respond far better to genuine authenticity than they do to carefully managed performances.

What's the difference between being professional and being a people pleaser?

Professionalism means treating people with respect, integrity and care. People-pleasing means taking responsibility for their emotions, opinions or reactions. You can absolutely be warm, compassionate and professional without believing it's your job to make everyone happy.