One of the most common questions I get as a medium is, “Why didn’t my loved one mention [insert very specific and important detail here]?” It’s usually followed by, “Do spirits pick and choose what they share?”
The short answer? Yes. The long answer? It’s a bit more complicated, so let’s break it down.
How Spirit Communication Works
Before we start blaming Nan for not mentioning her favourite biscuit tin, let’s get one thing clear—spirit communication is not the same as chatting on the phone. They’re not sitting in the afterlife with a checklist thinking, Right, let’s make sure I mention the family dog, Aunt Susan’s dodgy hip, and that time I burned the Christmas pudding.
Spirit communication is about energy, emotion, and most importantly, what will be most impactful for you in that moment.
Why Spirits Share What They Do
Spirits don’t just randomly toss out details—they give what’s going to be most helpful, healing, or validating for you at that time. Here are some reasons why certain details come through and others don’t:
Emotional Priority – Spirit will often focus on what you need to hear rather than what you want to hear. If you’re deeply grieving, they’re not going to waste time talking about your new curtains—they’ll go straight to reassurance, love, and validation.
The Medium’s Filter – A medium is like a radio, tuning into a frequency that’s not always crystal clear. If a medium doesn’t recognise or understand a reference, it might not come through as expected. (For example, if your grandfather tries to mention his love of 1970s prog rock and the medium only listens to pop, the message might be, "He really loved music!" instead of, "He was obsessed with Pink Floyd.")
What’s Easiest to Convey – Imagine trying to describe your entire life in a game of charades. Some things are just easier to get across. A strong memory, a nickname, or a shared joke will come through much clearer than a highly specific moment that requires layers of explanation.
They Like to Surprise You – Sometimes, spirit loves to prove they’re there in the cheekiest way possible. Instead of saying what you expect them to, they might drop in a tiny detail only you’d understand—like how they always called you "kiddo" or their habit of pinching biscuits from the tin.
But Why Didn’t They Mention That One Big Thing?
We’ve all been there—waiting for spirit to prove themselves by mentioning that one thing only they would know. And when it doesn’t happen, it’s easy to think, Well, that’s disappointing.
But here’s the truth: spirit communication isn’t about performing tricks or passing a test. It’s about love, connection, and what serves you best in that moment. If they don’t mention a specific event, it’s not because they’ve forgotten—it’s because they’ve chosen something else that carries just as much meaning.
Final Thoughts
Spirits absolutely choose what evidence they give, but not in a way that’s frustrating or secretive. They come with love, wanting to remind you they’re still with you. Their messages are always about connection, healing, and bringing you what you truly need—even if it’s not what you expected.
So next time you get a reading, instead of focusing on what didn’t come through, lean into what did. Because more often than not, it’s exactly what you needed to hear.
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