Addiction, Self-Forgiveness and Why Spirit Has Never Once Judged You

What do you do when the thing blocking your connection to spirit isn't a lack of skill — but the way you feel about yourself?

This episode began with a listener's question, sent in privately and asked with real vulnerability: their guilt about their addiction was getting in the way of a clear connection to spirit. The answer Hannah gives reaches far beyond addiction, and far beyond mediumship. It's about self-judgement, self-forgiveness, and the quiet revelation that the wall you keep running into is almost always one you built yourself.

If you've ever felt that spirit must be keeping its distance because of who you've been or the choices you've made, this one is for you.

Listen to the Episode

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X8cX2myGkQY

The Spirit World Doesn't Judge — Full Stop

Hannah's response to the listener starts from an unshakeable place: the spirit world she knows and loves doesn't judge a single decision we make. Not the addictions, not the petty and difficult and ugly things, none of it. And she's not speaking abstractly — she grounds it in her own life, with characteristic bluntness.

"Even when I was a complete dickhead, they still loved me. When I lost my temper in my car and wound down my window and called someone the C word, spirit was still there."

She's open about having made choices she isn't proud of — choices made in anger, in spite, in sadness and sorrow and misery. And the single greatest thing she's taken from her journey with spirit is the understanding that she was loved through every one of them.

"They have loved me when I was unable to love myself."

That's the heart of the message to the listener: forgive yourself for the journey. Accept that there were times you made choices that harmed yourself and others — and that it's okay. It's a moment in your journey, not the whole of who you are.

All Paths Lead to You

Here's where the episode turns, and where it becomes relevant to absolutely everyone, not just the listener who wrote in. So many people come to mediumship hoping to escape themselves or fix themselves — and then discover the work is the exact opposite.

"It's such a bloody weird thing… you go to open up to spirit to avoid yourself, and find yourself inescapably stuck with yourself once more."

This is why Hannah is so insistent on a ratio she's said before: this work is ten percent mediumship development and ninety percent self-development. You have to be able to sit with yourself. Because in that tiny pause where your awareness shifts away from yourself and toward spirit, there's a gap — and everything you carry about yourself rushes up to fill it.

"All of your beliefs about you, all of your thoughts about yourself, all your unhealed trauma — that all comes up."

If you can't spend five minutes in your own company without berating yourself for where you've been, that gap becomes impossible to cross.

Learn to Make a Cup of Tea

There's a lovely, almost stubbornly simple story here. A student of Hannah's desperately wanted to learn to meditate, and spirit kept giving the same answer, over and over: forget the meditation. Learn to sit with yourself. Make a cup of tea, and just be in the making of it. Don't turn away from yourself. Don't fill every silence.

In the years they worked together, the student was never once able to do it. And that, Hannah explains, is exactly why meditation stayed out of reach.

"The door that you walk through to meditation is the door of yourself."

So her practical challenge to the listener — and to you — is disarmingly small. Can you spend ten minutes in your own company without reaching for your phone, the TV, a conversation, anything? Just you, yourself, and a drink of your choice. No distractions. That's where the work begins, long before any technique.

The Wall Is Yours — and That's Good News

The most important reframe in the episode is this: if it feels like there's a wall between you and spirit, that wall is coming from you. From your judgements about your own choices, from your lack of self-belief. And while Hannah is speaking directly to someone carrying guilt about addiction, she's clear it applies to every developing medium.

"It's easy to blame spirit or feel like they've left you behind… That's not true. It's just you stopping that connection that is available to everyone."

This sounds like hard news, but it's actually the hopeful version — because a wall you built is a wall you can take down. Spirit hasn't withdrawn. The connection is still there, available, waiting.

Watch the People You Can't Stand

And here's the proof Hannah offers, delivered with a wicked, freeing honesty. Go and look at the energy of some of the mediums on social media. Some of them, she says plainly, are wrapped up in ego — not working with spirit to help, but to get rich, or famous, or whatever it is. By her own standards, that isn't aligned work. And then, with real self-awareness, she catches herself:

"Me thinking that's not aligned is also a judgement. So I'm being judgmental in this space."

That's the whole point. Spirit works with those people anyway — regardless of whether they're "good enough" or "holy enough" or "spiritual enough." They're just humans, and spirit is working with them. So watch someone whose energy you genuinely can't stand, watch spirit be with them all the same, and then let the obvious conclusion land: if spirit will work with them, there is no earthly reason it won't work with you.

They Just Want You to Be You

One of the most quietly transformational moments in the episode is Hannah admitting what she used to believe — that spirit would somehow turn her into someone good enough to work with them. The truth turned out to be the reverse.

"It was a revelation when I realised that they just wanted me to be me."

And here's the irony she names: once she accepted that, she actually did change — not from pressure, but because she finally thrived under genuine unconditional love. The acceptance came first. The growth followed.

She's also honest, gently and without dwelling on detail, about having struggled badly with her mental health as a teenager, at a time when she didn't want to be here at all. It's something she manages well now, knowing what keeps her in balance. And what she most wants the listener to hear is that even then, spirit never offered a flicker of judgement.

"There has only been: I wish you could love yourself like we love you."

(This episode touches on mental health and a period of suicidal feelings. If any of this is live for you right now, please don't carry it alone — talking to a GP, the Samaritans on 116 123, or someone you trust can make a real difference.)

Give Yourself the Grace You Give Everyone Else

The episode closes by puncturing the fantasy of the serene spiritual guru — the one smirking patiently while the universe delivers, who's transcended houses and clothes and ought to be floating on a lily pad in a hessian sack. Except, Hannah points out, we do want those things. We do need them. We came here to be human beings, not to transcend being human.

"Give yourself the grace that you show to other people."

Forgive yourself for getting it wrong — and recognise that in getting it wrong, you got yourself to exactly where you are now. Nothing in spirit is ever wasted. Even the times Hannah was, by her own account, "damn right mean" as an insecure kid trying to fit in taught her something and made her who she is. The version of you that made those old choices has already gone; there's only movement forward. The balance is to sit with where you've been just enough to heal and learn from it — without holding yourself there as a punishment.

"Spirit will be there. I promise. If you're not feeling anything, that's only because of your doubts about yourself."

Do whatever it takes to make peace with who you've been and who you're becoming, then open up — and you'll find them there, cheering you on, with a sense of finally, finally, you get it now.

Key Takeaways From This Episode

• The spirit world does not judge any choice you've made

• Guilt and self-judgement, not spirit, are what create the sense of a "wall"

• This work is roughly ten percent mediumship, ninety percent self-development

• You can't meditate until you can simply sit with yourself

• Start with ten distraction-free minutes in your own company

• Spirit works with everyone — which means it will work with you too

• Spirit doesn't want a perfected version of you; it wants you

• Forgive yourself, and give yourself the grace you extend to others

About Hannah Macintyre

Hannah Macintyre is an evidential medium, spiritual teacher, author and host of the Mediumship Matters podcast. She supports students around the world through mediumship training, spiritual development programmes and Spirit Social, her conscious platform for spiritual connection and growth.

Explore Hannah's books, courses and spiritual development resources through her website and online community platforms.

Listen to More Mediumship Matters Episodes

Explore more conversations around evidential mediumship, spirit communication, self-development, unconditional love, spiritual growth, self-acceptance and working with spirit.

And if you'd like to deepen your own spiritual development in a grounded and supportive environment, Hannah also offers online programmes, workshops and community experiences designed to help developing mediums build confidence, self-acceptance and trust in their connection with spirit.